I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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