Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
