you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
