3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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