You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
