i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
