She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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