after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
