Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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