I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
