HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
