We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
