I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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