batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
