I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize