I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
