i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
