Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's never too late to be topless.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
