Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize