i was rollin on her like bob the builder
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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