lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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