sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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