I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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