So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
