If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
