come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
