My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
