You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
