it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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