I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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