Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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