I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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