Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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