It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
nutella sex= disaster
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
