In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
