peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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