So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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