i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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