Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
