you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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