I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
