i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
