I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
time to smoke my breakfast
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
