I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize