Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
