i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
