Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
