: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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