I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will be naked everywhere
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
