I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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