I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do vagina's smell?
you win again, gameday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
