There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
