Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize