nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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