So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize