I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We named our party play list daddy issues
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
