guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
