well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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