I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
