im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize