I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
