Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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