it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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