She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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