Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
