A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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