I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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