if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
