where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
