What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
