no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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