It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
